Nanice Ellis: How to Heal Emotional Trauma

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Why is it so difficult to heal emotional trauma? Maybe it is because we do not understand what our emotional wounds really are, and therefore we go about healing in ways that can never work.

When I was young, I was in a horrifically abusive relationship for over a year. Even though I was able to eventually “get out” and save myself, it took me many years to figure out how to heal the deep emotional wounds.

Understanding Emotional Wounds

We tend to think of an emotional wound as the original traumatic experience – as the “thing” that happened to us, but the wound is actually the dis-empowering belief that we developed as a result of the traumatic experience.

In the search for emotional security, our natural response to any traumatic event is to make sense of it. We “make sense” of things by creating beliefs. Beliefs that we develop in response to traumatic experiences are Traumatic Beliefs. Because Traumatic Beliefs are disempowering and painful, they become emotional wounds.

The reason many people don’t heal is because they try to heal the original traumatic experience and not the Traumatic Belief. By understanding that emotional wounds are actually the Traumatic Beliefs that we hold about ourselves and/or the world, we have the power to heal.

When a child experiences himself as abandoned, for example, that child forms beliefs around abandonment in order to explain why he was abandoned. The child may answer the question, “Why?” by creating a belief that he was not good enough. The abandonment is the not the wound. The wound is the belief in unworthiness. In this case, healing involves releasing the Traumatic Belief of unworthiness.

Two people can experience the same trauma and have completely different responses, because they develop very different beliefs about the experience.

Traumatic Beliefs Create Emotional Needs

Traumatic Beliefs always create corresponding emotional needs which must be met in order to heal. The catch is that a Traumatic Belief also creates an invisible barrier that keeps the emotional need from being met. For example, if the Traumatic Belief is, “I am not worthy,” the emotional need is feeling worthy. If you could feel unconditionally worthy, the wound would heal. The problem is, if you believe that you are not worthy, you will block the feeling of worthiness because it does not align with your beliefs about worth. This is also why healing is so challenging.

Traumatic Beliefs are Self-fulfilling and Self-Sabotaging

When we have been wounded, we feel justified in holding onto Traumatic Beliefs. Part of us may even think that these beliefs keep us from getting hurt again, and the thought of releasing them makes us feel very vulnerable – without these beliefs, what will protect us? But, Traumatic Beliefs do not protect us in the first place. In fact, these beliefs are self-sabotaging by being self-fulfilling. When we look closely, it becomes apparent that these beliefs actually cause, attract and create more of what we do not want. All beliefs effect the quantum field that creates our reality, but Traumatic Beliefs have an even stronger influence on reality because they are fueled with intense emotional energy. Therefore, if we believe we are powerless, we attract situations to us that support that belief.

Take Full Responsibility

An essential key to healing is taking complete responsibility for your life and for your wounds. As long as you blame the outside world for your pain, you give away your power to heal. This is not about letting others off the hook who have harmed us. This is about empowering yourself to be whole. If you cannot find a way to take responsibility for your life experiences, then begin by taking responsibility for your beliefs. Regardless of what transpired in the outside world, you are the only one who thinks your thoughts and therefore you are responsible for creating and believing any Traumatic Beliefs. This means that you also have the power to release these beliefs, and, therefore, you can heal yourself.

Why are Traumatic Beliefs so Painful?

Traumatic Beliefs disconnect you from who you really are because your true self could never believe that you are powerless or unworthy. When you accept these disempowering beliefs, you experience separation from your true self and this is the cause of pain and suffering. The pain is your inner guidance system alerting you to the disconnection so that you can heal by releasing incongruent beliefs.

The Higher Purpose of Traumatic Experiences

The higher purpose of traumatic experiences is to point our attention to hidden or underlying beliefs that already exist in our psyche. The traumatic experience activates the hidden belief so that we are aware of it, in order to heal. This is the point. You cannot heal something that you are unaware of. The pain directs your attention to the belief that needs to be healed in order for you to awaken.

Four Traumatic Beliefs

In order to heal, it is important that you uncover the Core Traumatic Belief(s) of the wound. There are four Core Traumatic Beliefs: Victimhood, Powerlessness, Worthlessness and Loss. All Traumatic Beliefs fall into one or more of these four categories.

Victimhood

When I was in that horrifically abusive relationship, the greatest of the wounds was the belief that I was a victim; causing me to live in great fear for many years, even after the abuse had ended. Because I was desperate to heal and have my life back, I finally looked deep into my own self. Eventually, what I understood was that I was feeling like a victim well before that relationship had ever manifested. The relationship overtly demonstrated my inner beliefs in the outer world in a way that I could not ignore.

Later, as an adult, the healing was remembering, at the deepest level, that I was responsible for my own life, and that my life was a reflection of all my beliefs. I discovered that the opposite of victim is not survivor. The opposite of victim is creator. When I remembered that I was the creator of my life, victimhood could no longer exist – and the wound was permanently healed.

The key to healing the Traumatic Belief of victimhood is waking up to who you really are and remembering that you are the creator of your life. Maybe you don’t understand how you created something, and you would certainly not consciously create a traumatic event that would make you feel victimized, nonetheless, we unconsciously create from hidden subconscious beliefs, and physical events in our lives give us clues to these underlying beliefs.

Once we become aware of theses disempowering beliefs, we have the opportunity to consciously heal them, by over-turning them, declaring their falsehood and turning toward a higher truth. In this case, the higher truth is I am the creator of my life. True power comes from learning to be a conscious creator, but this can only happen as we flush out unconscious beliefs and we align with the truth of who we really are.

Powerlessness

Even before we experience any traumatic events, most of us are socialized to believe that the world has power over us. So, when a traumatic experience does unfold, the idea of being powerless is already in our belief system, therefore, powerlessness seems an appropriate way to make sense of a negative event.
Healing from the Traumatic Belief of powerlessness is embracing ones intrinsic power – not the power that comes from control, but rather the power that originates in the core of your being and connects you to the universe and all that is. Healing the Traumatic Belief of powerlessness is an emotional journey from powerless to powerful.

Worthlessness

Of all the Traumatic Beliefs, worthlessness runs the deepest. We are programmed to believe that we are unworthy from the time we are very young. So when we experience trauma, and we search internally for a belief that will make sense of the experience, unworthiness quickly answers the question, “Why did this happen to me?”

Of course, unworthiness is a false belief and therefore it must be exposed in order to be released. When it is hidden, there is no need to pay attention but once it causes pain, you must do something about it. The good and bad news is that the pain will not go away until the false belief of unworthiness is released and you cease seeking proof of your worth in the outside world. The world cannot give or take away your worth because your worth is intrinsic and guaranteed. Absolute healing is attained when you discover and claim your unconditional worth.

Loss

Often, when we have an emotional wound, we believe that someone has taken something from us. No matter how hard we try, it appears impossible to retrieve what has been stolen. This search often keeps the wound alive – believing that we have lost something and it must be retrieved keeps us locked in a vicious cycle of perpetual hurt.

Loss does not necessarily create an emotional wound. We all experience loss – loss of an aging parent or loss of a relationship, for example. Loss is part of the flow of life. Grieving is a natural response to loss and it is the process of letting go. However, if we do not let go, loss can turn into an emotional wound. This occurs when a Traumatic Belief is formed about the loss; for example, beliefs like, “no one will ever love me again,” or “everyone I care about leaves me.” Again, it is the Traumatic Belief that creates the emotional wound and not the loss itself.

When loss creates an emotional wound, we often close down and cut ourselves off from the very thing that could heal us. If we develop a Traumatic Belief around losing love, we not only block potential new relationships, we cut ourselves off from self-love and even higher love. In other words, we do to ourselves what we fear others might do to us.

The healing is remembering that the Source of who you really are provides all that you need, if only you ask, allow and receive – by trusting something greater than the physical self, you align with the rhythm of the universe where the idea of loss does not exist.Inherent in all Traumatic Beliefs is the absolute truth of your existence.

How do we actually heal Traumatic Beliefs?

Release Identification with the Wound

When we develop and feed wounds with our attention over the course of years, we begin to identify with the wound, or, better said, we create an identity around the wounded-self. So, now we are not just releasing a wound, we are letting go of our identity. The thing is, you are not and can never be a wounded identity. This is a false belief and a false identity. In order to heal, it is important that you begin to release the identification with the wound, and that you begin to see yourself as whole – not the wounded self, but the whole self. Who are you without this wound? This is who you really are, and this is who you must become again.

Meet Your Own Emotional Needs

Emotional wounds are often left open because we continue to look to others to meet our emotional needs. In order to heal, we must take responsibility for our own emotional needs and we must find ways to meet them. So, instead of looking to others for love, for example, we must love ourselves. By giving ourselves love, we fill the wound, and we heal.

Transformational Forgiveness

Transformational Forgiveness is not about forgiving another or forgiving ourselves, as much as it is about letting go of the beliefs that keep us trapped – as the prisoner of unhealed wounds. Ask yourself, “Do I want to heal more than I want to hold onto these beliefs?” If the answer is yes, it is time to let go of disempowering false beliefs.

Allow Emotions to Process Through

In order to heal an emotional wound, emotions must be able to “process through” until completion. If we allow our emotions to come up over and over again without resolution, we are actually reactivating the wound and each time we do, it magnifies. Healing requires resolution. This means feeling your emotions completely and not pushing them down or away. The healing comes when you allow your emotions space to be experienced until the process is complete. In order to allow emotions to “process through” you must get in your body. Emotional wounds are stored in the body, and therefore the way to release them is by getting in your body and feeling your emotions until the process feels complete.

Revision

Since the mind does not know the difference between real and imagined, it is possible to go back to a past event and revise it in such a way that the wound automatically heals. The key to successful revision is giving your past-self a new set of beliefs that empower him or her to know your worth, power and connection to who you really are. In this way, you can revise your past-self to speak the truth, set a boundary or exercise personal power in a way that allows your past-self to rise up; ultimately avoiding the emotional trauma or responding to the traumatic event in a way that no wound was created.

Look for a Deeper Truth

For me, my complete healing came from the realization that the person whom I thought hurt me was actually in my life to save me, by physically demonstrating the emotional abuse that I was imposing on myself. Without him serving me in this way, how would I have been able to identify my feelings of victimhood, worthlessness and powerlessness that I carried from childhood? By understanding this deeper truth, my emotional pain transmuted into gratitude. There is always a deeper truth. If you haven’t uncovered a truth that sets you free, go deeper, and keep going until you find it.

Rise Above

Every thought and belief has a coinciding vibration. Fear is at the low end of the vibratory spectrum while love is at the high end. Emotional wounds are low vibratory beliefs about oneself and/or the world. The wound exists at a low vibration and it keeps you stagnated at this low vibration. If you were to consistently raise your vibration to a higher vibration and keep it there, the wound could not exist. In other words, if you turned your full attention toward love and forgiveness, the wound would dissolve because it cannot exist at a high vibration.

The Commitment to Heal

Healing requires commitment and consistency. Because trauma wires your brain for disempowering beliefs, emotional healing requires the re-wiring of your brain for empowering beliefs; this involves the development of new conscious thought patterns that are consistently practiced over a period of time.

Enlisting the help of a healing professional to assist you may exponentially quicken the healing process, but in the end you must do it for yourself. In healing yourself you discover the strength, courage and power to live your life the way it was intended to be lived. If you are here to help others heal, maybe you access the skills to do so, that could not have been acquired in any other manner than going through the process yourself.

The ultimate healing is the awakening to your power and worth. You cannot remember that you are unconditionally worthy and intrinsically powerful and still maintain emotional wounds. There is nothing that cannot be healed through the power of knowing your Real Self.

“How to Heal Emotional Trauma,” by Nanice Ellis, January 31, 2015 at http://wakeup-world.com/2015/01/31/how-to-heal-emotional-trauma/

Original link: How to Heal Emotional Trauma

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Nanice Ellis: Spiritual Awakening in the “Real World”

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Spontaneous Spiritual Awakening is not the norm. I’m not saying that it never happens, but it is infrequent and unpredictable. If you wait for that magic moment, you may wait forever.

But what if you had the power to quicken your own awakening? There are, of course, many paths to spiritual awakening, and the process is unique for each one of us, but there is one thing that you could easily practice that would exponentially hasten your path to awakening.

I personally spent many decades seeking spiritual awakening. I tried every technique and teacher I could find. There were several times that I believed I had awoken but the “experience” wore off and I was back where I started. Years later on my journey, I would realize that I mistook many mystical experiences for that of true awakening. If I had known then what I know now, I probably could have saved myself many, many years of seeking…

What I now understand is that spiritual awakening is accessible to everyone, and you don’t need to travel to a special part of the world, or do any bizarre yogi tricks in order to awaken. You don’t even need to meditate. Right now, you have the innate ability to wake up.

Many years ago, I visited Zions National Park in Southern Utah; in the middle of a pitch black night, I sat alone on the edge of one of Zions’ famous towering cliffs. It was a difficult time in my life and the challenges desperately made me want to wake up – in order to release the pain. As I sat there, I yelled out into the dark canyon, “I want to wake up!” I heard a voice call back, “Jump,” it said. I slowly crawled away from the edge. Happily, I did not listen to the voice, but the message never left me. “Jump,” it said, but what did it mean?

Don’t Let the “Real” in Reality Fool You

Who you really are is awake so if you were to peel away all the layers, you would suddenly find yourself to be completely present, free and awake. These layers include the roles we play in life and everything in which we attach our identities, but these layers are illusions, and not who we really are.

The world we live in appears so real, but don’t let the real in reality fool you – there is nothing real about reality. Everything, including you and me, is energy – moving, vibrating, living energy. This infinite and conscious energy is malleable and limitless, but anything that is made of energy is still just energy and energy is not tangible. It is all smoke and mirrors because energy can only create illusion.

What gives the illusion power is belief – your belief. When you believe that something is real, for all intents and purposes it appears real, and reacts real.

Every time you give your attention to illusion, it takes on your consciousness and it interacts with you in a very real manner. This is how life operates and it is also what keeps you immersed in the dream – keeping you asleep. Illusion can only control you if you believe that it is real. In order to wake up, you simply must let go of the illusion.

Letting go is the one practice that has the power to exponentially quicken your path to awakening.

On the spiritual journey to awakening, many of us have been taught to let go of attachments, roles and identities, but unless you are a monk or someone who does not live in the “real world” it is virtually impossible to let go in this way. For me, as much as I desired awakening, I wasn’t going to leave my young kids in order to attain it, or move them to a remote area where they couldn’t grow up with the comforts of home.

The thing is, you do not need to change anything in your life in order to awaken. The only thing that you must release is the attachment to your thoughts. You let go of attachment to thoughts, when you no longer believe every thought that you have.

Who says you must believe all your thoughts?

For years, I had a practice of discerning the good thoughts from the negative thoughts and that was very effective in helping me to reclaim power in my life, but in order to awaken, the secret was not to believe any thoughts. At first, I wondered how I could live my life without believing any of my thoughts, but after a little while, an interesting and unexpected thing occurred.

My thoughts were no longer running me or controlling my life. Something Else – something deeper or greater than me, and my thoughts, kicked in. It was as if I had found a magic switch that allowed me access to a world beyond thoughts; a world where all action was inspired and effortless and everything just flowed.

If your goal is to live a happy and satisfying life, it is important to let go of the negative thoughts and turn your focus to thoughts that support the life you desire, but if you want to fully wake up, it is essential to release attachment to all thoughts. Full Spiritual Awakening requires that you let go of the good as well as the bad. The awakened state is a state of constant letting go – of everything.

Without believing your thoughts about your relationships and your experiences, you are present in this moment with the purity of connecting to life in the fullness of every experience. In other words, you are awake.

I realize that letting go of thoughts can be challenging because thoughts can be relentless, but no thought is true. It only becomes true when you believe it to be so. Letting go is not a one-time thing. It is a practice that you partake until you reach a state of wakefulness. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Tuning Up to Awakening

The typical thought system of mankind is limited in perception because it is tuned into a dense frequency of the current state of humanity. Therefore what you perceive and think about is limited to that frequency. This is why so many of us are living in fear and stress. In other words, every time you believe thoughts of limitation, which are most thoughts, you are tuning yourself further into dense reality – where the pressure of that density causes us to stay asleep.

Because this is not your natural state of being, when you let go of the limited human mind by letting go of thoughts, your frequency rises and you organically tap into universal mind that is omniscient and omnipotent.

Because universal mind has the answers to all problems, what once caused fear and stress can now be resolved. Letting go allows you to rise up, much like letting go of a helium balloon – without effort you peacefully arise. You naturally awaken.

What are You Letting Go “To”?

One of the reasons that it is often so challenging to let go, is because we don’t consider what we are letting go “to.” If you do not know what you are letting go “to,” it can be quite scary. This is where your own spiritual beliefs come in. Do you believe in something greater than the human you? That is what you are letting go to – be that Source, Universe, The Divine, Big G…. You are letting go to your all-knowing, all-powerful Higher Self.

Yes, this requires trust, but that is the point. Letting go requires that you trust whatever it is that you truly believe in, but you must find out for yourself. Do not take the word of religion, parents, society or anything else. You must make this discovery and this connection for yourself – on your own terms.

I have come to the conclusion that I, as the human me, have no idea what is best for my life, but my Higher Power does and this is something that I can trust. From this perspective it is quite easy to let go.
When you let go to this all knowing source, you rise up and you become that which you trust; you discover that you are now relating to your life from a higher level of awareness, where you naturally know things rather than just think them.

How Do You Let Go of Thoughts?

We are told that mediation is necessary for awakening but it is not necessarily the mediation that awakens us – it is the letting go that transpires during meditation that is the key for awakening. When you meditate, you stop listening to your thoughts, and when your thoughts turn off, you are present and awake. As soon as you start listening to your thoughts again, you fall into sleep. Understanding and utilizing this Stop and Start Switch gives you immense power to awaken.

In the past, a thought pops into your head, and you naturally believe it. This belief invites other similar thoughts to manifest in your mind. Before you know it, you have a full blown story and the emotions that go along with it.The shift is simple. When that first thought pops into your head, don’t believe it. Just let it be without inviting other thoughts to join it, or maybe ask yourself, “How do I know it is true?”

If you can be the watcher of your thoughts, you will begin to awaken. Just watch the thoughts – without believing or even disbelieving – just watch and see what happens.

By releasing thoughts, you are also releasing emotions and attachments which originate from thought. You let go of mental attachments and emotions, simply by letting go of thoughts. Let everything just pass on by. You will still experience attachments, emotions and thoughts but they will begin to lose their power over you.

From a completely awakened state, you will be able to choose thoughts, emotions and attachments in order to consciously create. Each of these elements are tools for creation, but first you must become the master of your mind instead of the slave.

I now understand that the voice that spoke to me on the cliff was my own voice telling me to let go, but it wasn’t the tangible that I needed to release. It was simply my attachment to all my thoughts.

It may be challenging to let go at first, but you have the power to believe any thought or let it go. The more thoughts you let go, the freer you will become. Here is the best part, releasing thoughts allows you to be present here and now, and then something remarkable happens. It is as if “Life Pops” – everything is clearer, colors are brighter, sounds are heightened and your sense of being alive is intoxicating. This is the Awakened Experience, and it is available to you right now, simply by letting go – Nanice.

“Spiritual Awakening in the “Real World,” by Nanice Ellis, January 26, 2015 at http://wakeup-world.com/2015/01/26/spiritual-awakening-in-the-real-world/

Original link: Spiritual Awakening in the “Real World”

Nanice Ellis: Healing Past Trauma

By Nanice Ellis, October 27, 2014, http://tinyurl.com/oy8fgh9

Did you know that every time you talk about an unhealed wound or trauma, you re-activate it in your emotional, spiritual and physical bodies? As you speak, or even think, about an old issue, you experience it as if it is happening right now. Since your subconscious mind does not know the difference between current experience and past memory, for all intents and purposes, the trauma or negative experience is happening now.

When you re-activate old painful memories, your thoughts, words and emotions create a negative karmic energy that you unknowingly project out into your future. This karmic energy manifests in more painful experiences, similar to the original issue. In other words, when issues come up without resolution, a karmic loop or pattern develops.

Each time this karmic pattern manifests in real life situations, you re-experience the original wound and the current hurt simultaneously. When this occurs, it is a powerful opportunity to heal the past wound by healing the current one.

Unfortunately, when an issue is re-activated, instead of using it as a healing opportunity, many of us react by pushing the wounds down with numbing substances like food, drugs, internet, Facebook, TV, and a long list of other distractions.

Unhealed issues get stored in the body, until we release them. The body obliges as a storehouse for emotional wounds but it does take its toll, especially if issues are accumulated for long periods of time. Storing wounds in the body eventually weakens the body and invites illness and disease, as well as causing depression, fatigue, stress and weight gain. The good news is that the body is ready to release issues, the moment you are.

When an unhealed issue is re-activated, don’t just push it down – take the time to finally heal it. This means creating intentional space to feel your emotions and allow the issue to Process Through to Healing, or complete the healing process in whatever way works best for you.

Wounds are meant to be healed. We are not meant to spend our lives carrying around past issues and hurts. Unhealed issues weigh us down, keep us asleep and prevent us from consciously creating. It is only our personal issues that stop us from experiencing our greatest potential. Holding onto issues keeps us limited and unable to reach that mountain top.

Because of the shifts going on in the collective consciousness and the higher energy now available on this planet, it has never been easier to release old issues. In fact, issues are now coming to the surface to be resolved. This is why so many of us are experiencing familiar challenges. Wounds want to be healed and issues want to be released, but you have the last say. None of this can happen until you are ready and willing.

You are meant to be free and clear of emotional burdens. You are meant to live a limitless life with an abundance of love and creativity. You are meant to stand on the mountain top with arms stretched wide – willing to receive your grandest dreams. The Universe is listening.